I sauntered into work an hour late. I had a swagger that could dry washing as my Mother would say. It had snowed a tiny bit and as usual when this happens all of the transport networks had ground to a halt.
My train had stopped in its tracks halfway through the journey as some specks of snow had drifted slowly out of the sky and this warranted emergency measures. I wasn't too fussed as it had allowed me a bit of down time on the train staring out wistfully at the countryside, half wishing I was a fur clad savage munching on roasted fox by the river. Note: that is not a euphemism.
I plopped my take-away coffee down on my desk and looked around half-heartedly for El Jefe, so that I might regale him with tales of my travel madness but the office was deserted. It looked like everyone else was experiencing the same travel issues as me. Ironically El Jefe only lived around the corner so he had a cheek if he couldn't make it in through the thimbleful of snow that had fallen.
Eventually others started trickling in. Everyone with their own tale of woe. One of my colleagues, Jazzy Jeff, stopped by my desk for a chat.
This facking weather you jocks have is shite mate.
Jock - Slang term for Scotsman, usually uttered by those who are penisly challenged
I leaned back in my groovy chair and concurred.
Yes, it is a tad inconvenient.
Inconvenient man, are you having a giraffe?
Poor Jazzy Jeff. He was a Londoner in his mid forties and was struggling with the nipple hardening cold of the Scottish climate. He spoke a bizarre rhyming slang. Having a giraffe of course being rhyming slang for Having a laugh.
Alright then, more than a tad inconvenient. As soon as I saw the weather I started thinking about dogging it!
Jazzy Jeff's eyes and mouth widened as if about to sneezily ejaculate.
Think about what mate?
Dogging it. You know, dog it?
He turned slightly pale, like shed skin.
Eh, alright then mate. To each their own.
I took a big slurp of my coffee and grinned.
Ach don't worry, I didn't... In fact I haven't dogged it since School!
School?!?
He backed slowly away, confusion and disgust marching back and forth across his face, as if I were a rabid cat with a turkeys penis in its mouth.
Right you are mate.
He then turned and all but ran.
I giggled. Dogging it, is a Scottish slang term for bunking off as in not going to School. It is a little old fashioned. I think he was more familiar with the term Dogging as when used for that less than salubrious hobby some folk have of masturbating at people in car parks.
The day was looking up!