All was quiet and still in the Beer Shop.
The Bear-Man lurked, as he usually did, behind the counter but today he was unusually silent.
The clink of a beer as I picked it up from the shelf echoed unnaturally loudly.
Almost guiltily I put it back.
The atmosphere was thick with tension like lady-custard left out in the sun.
I shuddered with an oddly powerful sense of dread.
I 'ave a powerful sense of dread.
Intoned the Bear-Man from behind me as if reading my thoughts.
You what?
I said, turning to face him.
He looked serious and almost frightened.
I 'ave a powerful sense of dread.
He repeated again with a little more urgency.
His eyes stared at me with an intensity not becoming of a Friday afternoon.
Why?
I half whispered as I looked around me for signs of danger. What could it be that would frighten a giant of a man like the Bear-Man??
The Four Horsemen an all.
Said the Bear-Man with a grim finality.
I reeled back slightly.
The Four Horsemen!? Was this the start of the apocalypse then?
But why!? Why here? Why now? Why Glasgow? Glasgow was a bit shit. Why would the Four Horsemen begin the apocalypse here?
When?
I asked timidly.
Did I have time to run home and tell my family I loved them? Maybe indulge in a final hand shandy? It would be unseemly to leave this mortal coil without at least one more in the bag.
Wait a minute... Wait a minute... For once, I reigned in my wild imagination. Come on. I didn't believe in all that nonsense. There was no such thing as the Four Horsemen.
The Bear-Man had obviously gone stir crazy. Who wouldn't, trapped in a shop full of exotic beers every day?
The door of the Beer Shop clattered open and a short, grizzled looking man in a suit came in.
He took a big deep breath.
Have you got a powerful sense of dread??
He asked his face lumpy with anguish like a dog reaching down to lick its testicles only to find that they are not there and instead there is only a line of crude stitches.
Aye.
Replied the Bear-Man grimly.
The man in the suit's eyes widened as if he could barely believe what he was hearing.
The Four Horsemen??
He asked hoarsely.
TheBear-Man inclined his head solemnly.
Aye.
Oh my God!? It was true?? It really was true!? I felt mybrown growler loosen involuntarily.
I let out a faint whinny of fear and desperation.
You want them as well?
Asked the Bear-Man pulling two can's of beer out from under the counter.
Wh.. what??
He pushed the cans towards me.
Chocolate Stout's!! A Powerful Sense Of Dread and the Four Horsemen. They look like a couple of beauties!
He exclaimed proudly as if he had birthed them out of some moist crevice he owned.
I looked at the beers in question.
Just beers.
No apocalypse.
I sighed with relief.
Aye, go on then.