What is snooping? Is snooper an English word? Is it related to snooping? A snooper is simply a person that snoops. Well, that's the definition my English dictionary gave out; yours may be different. Snooping is the act of secretly spying on someone's personal private life. This is an act that has always divided opinions. Though some people believe it's cool - that's what most hackers do - others see it as a creepy and distasteful action. Whichever side you pick depends on how it has impacted you.
Snooping can be beneficial, it can also be detrimental. It finds home in most relationships out there. According to a 2020 research survey, over 30% of people admit to snooping on their partner's phones. Boyfriends snooping on their girlfriends; wives running through their husbands phone when the man is dead drunk, sleeping and snoring; parents cloning their teenage kids' phones so as to monitor their activities. Even business partners are not left out in this mischievous act.
Snooping is an ally of mistrust. Once you find yourself considering it in a relationship something is definitely not right. It can get worse. You snooped on your spouse and found some questionable conversations on his/her phone. Your brain springs to action and starts connecting dots and making chain links to interpret what you've just seen. A few minutes later you have a conclusion: he/she is definitely cheating. You couldn't hold it inside so you confronted him/her with the truth you believed. When all is said and done, your spouse proved beyond reasonable doubt that your assumption was totally wrong - he/she isn't cheating. You apologized profusely and your sins were forgiven but your truth is out: you are a snooper, and you don't totally trust your spouse.
When a snooper is caught, if the situation is not well handled, that may signal the beginning of the end of a once blossoming relationship. If caught in the act, how do you move on from this without losing that relationship? How do you get your partner to believe what happened was just an honest mistake that will never happen again?
Reflect
You've been caught snooping already so secrecy is no longer an option. If you still cherish that relationship, you will have to discuss it with your partner at some point. However, before talking to your partner, take some time to reflect. You need to get curious and ask yourself what led you to consider snooping in the first place.
Are you still struggling with trust issues from a previous relationship? Did you notice a connection between your partner and a friend or coworker that is getting you jealous and worked up lately? Were you once betrayed by your partner, and you're still not over it?
Understanding what made you do it will help prepare your mind for a reasonable discussion with your partner about the act.
Take Accountability
After a careful reflection, sit your partner down and come clean. Despite committing what is a very serious relationship sin, some people will still argue their way through and make a case for themselves. This will not get your partner trusting you again. You have to come clean and hold yourself accountable for the wrongdoing. Yes, you checked his phone because you were curious about happenings between your man and his close female colleague.
Taking the full blame and making your partner believe you admit to being totally wrong and shouldn't have done that is a good place to start. Do not defend your actions. Do not give excuses for doing it. That will only pass a message across that you're not willing to change.
Establish Boundaries
Things won't remain the same again - at least for a while. Once caught in wrongdoing, the jury is always out. The next time your partner notices an abnormality as regards his/her phone the first thing that comes to mind is whether you've snooped yet again.
You can start the healing process by stating clear boundaries around private properties. This will go a long way to easing the partner's mind. Say clearly and loudly how you plan to avoid a recurrence of the ugly incident.
Snooping is never a good thing to try. Once it's being considered, it shows something is off. It can only get worse when caught in the act. The road to redemption is always far. However, if after trying things are still not the same, try counseling. Meet an expert that will make both of you realise that you are humans with a tendency to make mistakes. At the end of it all, this can be a learning step to a stronger and more valuable relationship.
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