Linda Hirshman wrote a great book aptly titled "Get To Work: A Manifesto For The Women Of The World" where she brings to light many of the same issues I heard from the women I spoke with. A key message from Ms. Hirshman's book resonated with me: A great percentage of women were found to have given up—or were in the process of giving up—their career aspirations (or established careers, in many cases) in order to stay at home to start a family. However, they never returned to the workforce.
I'm fully aware that as I man I will NEVER understand the choice of having a career or being a stay-at-home mother; moreover, that is a very personal choice. In many ways, the latter is more challenging than any professional career could be, and I have the utmost respect for the stay-at-home moms of the world, However, in many of these situations—and in line with Ms. Hirshman's views and research—I observed some striking similarities. By choosing—or by allowing their husbands to make the choice for them—to permanently give up their careers they are giving up their independence and individuality, and placing themselves in the position of being completely dependent on the man in their lives. Many of them had held positions of influence—lawyers, doctors, executives—and left their careers permanently for motherhood. These women are robbing society of their talents; talents sorely needed in today's testosterone-filled arenas, such as politics, healthcare, high-tech, the service industry, etc.
Many of the husbands seemed comfortable with that shift in power/control, believing that it is a man's job to provide, and a woman's job to… well… do everything else. And in many of these relationships, these women gave up their selves in order to placate the man in their lives… in many cases, their husbands refused to regard their wives as equals—as people who have their own dreams, plans, and goals in addition to filling a chosen role of wife or mother.
On the flip side, there are many couples where the woman is a full-time mother and holds down a full-time career… but the dynamics remain the same—with her working full-time out of the house AND at home—and it can strain the relationship to the breaking point.
Please note: I am fully aware that there are many men to whom this does not apply. They are supportive, respectful, and equals with their partner… they just don't seem to be among the majority. But why?
What's your experience?