I was at an event with friends and co-workers from a company that seemed a lifetime ago.
More than half of the people in the room were people that I directly hired and their faces lit up as they saw me enter. Fist bumps and my name shouted as they all crowded around me. It seemed that it wasn't years apart but felt like we all just left off a conversation from yesterday.
I mingled with different people as I caught up with how they are doing lately. Each shared milestones that they had in their lives. One was getting married. Another already had 3 kids. A few were putting up their own firms or managing their own teams now.
A lifetime ago I met them all nervous as they sat across me when I started their final interviews. I am not a fan of being an intimidating, stoic interviewer but rather want people to feel at ease and talk to someone they can be open with.
I can see them having clammy hands and cold sweat dripping on their brow as we began talking about their experience, educational background, and motivations.
As the night progress and alcohol being the ultimate truth serum to loosen lips and inhibitions we place ourselves the talks turn more serious and away from the pleasantries.
Photo by Gregoire Jeanneau on Unsplash
They asked why I left them when everything was going so well. We were busy with year-end preparations and suddenly I was just gone. Only the closest people know me knew what happened. The rest had just listened to whatever was being said.
It opened old wounds which I thought had already healed with time. You see I got caught up in a power struggle which at first I tried to veer away from. Office politics is nasty and I had belief at the time that if I did my job and try not get involved no matter what is thrown my way, my actions and reputation would be able to shield me. Boy was I wrong.
"When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground.” — Cersei Lannister, A Game of Thrones
No matter what I did to not play it I was bound to get dirty and dragged into playing.
I can still remember how things started becoming hostile. How it felt to be suddenly being left out in discussions. To have my own department stripped away from me with the excuse that it was being done in order to upskill certain people with tasks that I do so I can focus more on the year-end party.
A member of the key leadership often said that no one is indispensable. Everyone can be dismissed and so I knew that I was being managed out.
I tried to reach out to the CEO as we worked closely for the year end and she assured me that she knew who I am and what I contribute so it was an utter shock to me a day after my birthday they asked me to be in the boardroom to have a talk.
I still remember it like yesterday. That surreal feeling as they itemized what their grounds were and I was given the rest of the day to go through my documents and emails that I can use as proof. I was told to print these out because after today I would be put into suspension and will not have access to emails.
I was being treated like an enemy who would sabotage files and delete any evidences. I maintained my innocence and how everything was well documented and that key leader had visibility on what I was doing.
I eventually gave my statement and when they gave their decision to let me go I just accepted it. At that point I didn't want to fight nor go back to a hostile work environment.
I moved on with my life and left that chapter of my life only to be now told of certain rumors that management gave people to explain my disappearance.
I deny whatever reasons they say. If I had been guilty of the things they say and given how trigger-happy they are in getting their legal counsel to go after people would it make sense for them to just let me go?
A number of people there knew full well how the CEO was gungho in chasing after people who she felt did her wrong. A few of them has been threatened of "I will fuck up your life" and given a subpoena after they leave her company for greener pastures. She and her attack dog legal counsel was always embroiled in legal battles against former employees who were deemed as not being "loyal" to her and her vision. Visions and idyllic statements are good but people need a living salary rate and benefits. Oh well their mentality has always been there is someone else who would accept it.
The final piece clicks and most people are satisfied that they did not believe what they were told.
I once again felt a myriad of emotions from sadness, to anger, to indifference as I think it is not worth chasing them after all this time. Whatever reputation I had that they turned to shreds to people that listened at this point is no longer relevant because those that I hold in esteem and know me are aware of the real score. The lies they tell themselves so that they can sleep at night and rationalize what they did let them be. I do not need them to live rent-free in my head and heart. They are unnecessary. Knowing as well that they had a 60% attrition rate recently because of the great resignation that happened after the pandemic makes me feel they deserve it. People will eventually stop taking their BS.
We didn't want to focus on these as we steered the conversation back to happier memories.
We went back to reminiscing about the memories that helped create the bonds we have today. Of that nerve-wracking interview, they had with me, the pranks that I played on people to get them to smile. the many events that made people closer and transcend from being just co-workers to friends, of many times we just talked about different things that made them see the human side of the business.
We talked about those people they respected and made a difference in their life and how I was one of them that continued to give them a chance and be that supportive person when they seemingly reach rock bottom.
I smiled as I look around the room and someone clasped my shoulders and told me "You did good sir, you did good"
This was my legacy. This was how people remember me even after all these years.