It’s actually the morning of day 23. I was literally the walking dead all day yesterday. After three days of hauling mulch in the smokey air, my lungs told me it was time to take a break. I had a restless night of sleep because I wasn’t able to take very many deep breaths. I was still breathing but I just couldn’t get that satisfying, deep inhale. What’s ironic is usually I get something like this day 5 or 6 after I quit smoking. I didn’t this time. I wonder how much that is now hitting at the same time.
Gratitude
Rest Rabbit, Rest
One of my youngest daughter’s favorite books right now is from the Sweet Pickles series. They are great for kids but they’re out of print. If you can find a set on Ebay or somewhere, definitely pick them up. The book is entitled Rest Rabbit Rest. The rabbit character in the town is Responsible Rabbit. He is always working and plans every day down to the minute with a master schedule. His friends try to get him to rest because they’re worried it’s not healthy for him to be constantly on the clock. Spoiler alert: eventually the succeed in convincing him to include rest in his daily routine but in true Responsible Rabbit form, he does it by setting up a resting schedule.
I’m sharing this children’s book review because I really should’ve listened to the theme of the story these past 20 times reading it. I insisted on walking and doing some organizational work around the garage even after a restless night of sleep because my lungs were tired. And I was a zombie the whole time. Eventually, once I sat down, I was done. My energy left and I was just counting the minutes until bedtime.
In retrospect, I should’ve taken a nap midday. But alas, I did not. It seems I vacillate in my life between periods of extreme activity and extreme relaxation. It’s actually a habit of many of the men in my family. I always wondered why that was. Even when I was self-aware I was in one of those phases, I couldn’t settle on a way to break the cycle. But I think I understand now what the issue is. It’s not specifically periods of activity and relaxation. I believe it’s periods of avoidance and wallowing. Avoidance from doing the spiritual and head work on myself that I’ve needed for years. Wallowing in my inability to find happiness in those period of extreme activity and achievement.
This Time Is Different
I’m not running away or distracting myself this time. My internal work continues despite the activity during the day. Every morning on meditating and journaling to keep my mind and spirit headed in a positive, healing direction. However, my physical habit remains. This just means I need to tap back into self-care. I need to tap into living with intention. My body needs time, nutrients, rest, and love. So that is my mission on Day 23. I will still get a little bit of work done. But there will certainly need to be a few hours of eating, resting, and self-care.
Food Porn
Okay, it’s not the sexiest food pic that’s ever been taken. But let me tell you how amazing it felt to eat a huge plate of this Dahl with rice and broccoli at the end of the day. My body was craving calories and this hit the spot. Not pictured was the cacao nib, spinach, banana, and cashew-coconut milk smoothie Jocelyn made afterward. It was seriously like a chocolate milk shake. 10 out of 10!
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