Humans are more of emotional creatures than logic and are mostly motivated by pride and and vanity, if you ever want to handle, influence, communicate and build good relationship with people, then you should try to adhere to these instructions.
As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.
~Hans Selye
Criticism is the expression of disapproval on the base of perceived failure or mistakes.
most persons live in environment choked deep
with critics and people who do not always see the good in them.
Criticism is a mental plague that affects the human sense of importance,wounds ego and slash all accumulated self esteem,The major disadvantage of criticism is that it would not produce any results, it might work at that particular time when you condemn and criticize someone, but what happens behind you? It arouse resentment .
The best way to make anyone do a thing is to present it in such a way that the person wants to do it, this spurs interest and serve as a push, and both parties will benefit
if you ever know of someone who would often have problems in relating with other, check if the person is somehow being criticized or is a die-hard critic.
The deepest urge in human nature is 'the desire to be important'
~John Dewey
It is this desire that makes us join a gang, build a house,and strive for excellence, what then happens if someone constantly lunges at this desire?
The writing of W. Livingston Larned shows a clue :
Father Forgets
"Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw
crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your
damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few
minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave
of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.
There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I
scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your
face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things
on the floor.
At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down
your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too
thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for
my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye,
Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders
back!"
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the
road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were
holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by
marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive -
and if you had to
buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a
father!
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you
came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I
glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you
hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and
threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small
arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your
heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were
gone, pattering up the stairs.
Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my
hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me.
at has habit
been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this
was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love
you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you
by the yardstick of my own years.
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your
character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over
the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush
in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have
come to your bed-side in the darkness, and I have knelt there,
ashamed!
It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these
things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow
I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you
suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when
impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: He is
nothing but a boy - a little boy!"
If you ever want to build failure,stay where criticism is predominant,and if you want to stir up resentment that would last long, indulge in criticism.
Note: Genuine appreciation is different from flattery,flattery falls short of the purpose of genuine appreciation,it is shallow and most times deceptive
Human thrive on appreciation and encouragement, it is the live wire to push on.
3.Smile.
A man without a smile should not open shop
~ Ancient Chinese proverb
The importance of a smile in relating with people can not be classified, a smile is like a window that other people peeps through to see if the hall way is free, you know that instance when you check for a free passage before crossing, it is the same thing with a smile, if there is no smile, people tends to conclude on their own how glum and unapproachable you are, people tend to give you space and avoid interaction, nobody likes a stale water.
A salesman with a smile and a salesman without a smile might go in search of clients, it is the one with a smile that gets customer,This is exactly the charm of human relations, give a smile each day and watch yourself receive smiles in return, with addition to other unexpected benefits.
Smiling shows affection, people wants affection,check out people who smile,they tends to manage, teach, sell, learn and live effectively and efficiently than those who do not.
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The proper way of handling people comes to us when we stop thinking about ourselves for awhile and begin thinking of other people's good point.
Genuine interest in people builds their interest in you, a person is only interested in whatever is interested in him,people get interested in you when you show interest in them, this is the reason why dogs has become one of man's best friend, the dog knows how to show genuine interest, he waits outside and listen for your voice and jumps on you immediately you reach the door, who wouldn't be interested in a creature that shows such display of continuous display of affection that depicts interest.
Not being interested in people create difficulties in communication and loss of loyalty, but being interested in people endears them to you and make you popular, a popular person with the right buttons is an influential being
If you ever have an awesome idea and you want to accomplish it without much ado, make people think the idea is theirs, these create creates an eager want in the next person to help and bring these ideas to fruition.
Always tell people what you want stating how beneficial it would be to the them, people mostly want to do things their way, this method makes people do things they want in a way you want, it is mutually beneficial and provides an avenue for you to help other people,invariably building your super of influence and accomplishments.
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Try showing people that there is more to gain in doing things for you,this is the ultimate rule of influence.
If there is any secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from yours
~Dale Carnegie
Conclusion:
Do things for others, with unreserved care and watch them walk the world for you, Do it when they do not even ask and see them adore you. send me a reply of actions afterwards of people you did good to,perhaps in the comments .
P. S: Read the book "How to win fluence and influence people" by Dale Carnegie
Thank you.
