Deep I must say, because to me, the opinion people have of me is totally different from my reality. And I'm being sincere here, earlier this morning I was discussing with a colleague at work, and what she had to say about me left me shocked, as in...as how naw. This me or another me 😂.
If I am to tell you about myself, I will tell you how much I'm struggling. And I'm not talking about simple struggles, life is really dealing with me a lot. And aside that, there's the pressure that will be on you just because you're a guy, not to talk of the various things I haven't figured out yet. I don't know if this will sound somehow, but in all honesty, I have a lot of times that I get confused about the future and what it holds, like I'm still behind and not really doing anything.
Even today is one of those days, one of those days that I'm usually lost in thought, thinking and wishing things were easier and that surviving wouldn't be this hard. So, in all honesty I am not, and I do not see myself as someone who has had it all figured out. I'm still growing, learning and trying to become a better person than I was yesterday.
But I don't understand how people see me differently, maybe because I've learnt to not look like what I'm going through. I don't know. But I see various people tell me about how they are sure I'm not bothered by anything, how that they're sure I'm doing well and all....and I keep on wondering if they are actually talking about the same person that I know—me. I mean, how will you tell me I have it easy, have what exactly, I don't get. This same message that overthinks, this same message that do cry my eyes out at night, this same me that's just thanking God for life, common. I have a lot on my plate that I don't even know the way forward with them ....
What's more surprising is the fact that other's are even appreciating how far I've come and the little I've been able to do, while in all honesty I see it as nothing, I couldn't even count what they are appreciating as something....but they are seeing it as something meaningful. I don't know why, maybe what I'm seeing and working towards is way bigger than the little things happening around me, things that I'm able to do that I'm not even paying attention too...just maybe.
And like my mentor used to say... I'm still a work in progress. I am still a work in progress too, I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm moving and I'm keeping my hopes alive, and at the same time I'm trying to not ignore those opinion people have about me, they might be seeing it in me, and I should try push myself to make it my reality as well.
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Images are mine.
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