Before I called myself a fool, they'd been calling me one.
One fateful Monday morning, it was a very tiring morning; I had just woken up, but still, I felt very tired. Aside from the stress of the previous day, the weather is also not encouraging in any way; it was the dusty, cold kind of weather, and harmattan came with full force. So, I said my prayers and sighed at the list of things to do; I picked up my wallet to check how much I actually had with me. I know it won't last me through the week, but I still wanted to count and check how much I actually have to see if I could find a way around it, at least for the week.
As I was counting the money, I was just laughing at myself, because why wouldn't I laugh? I have to go to work and eat, yet I have very little with me. In it I would also say I want to buy data and the like, yet what I have won't even cover transport to and fro from work for the week. I looked up at the ceiling and decided to brush off the thought of "how do I survive this week." I stood up from the bed, and immediately a message popped up on my phone. I didn't even want to check it before, but who knows, it might be my boss or something very important.
I unlocked my phone, and I saw it, "My G, good morning. Please, I need your help, O."
Immediately I saw that I had just dropped my phone, "Not now please, not this morning, not today." I said to myself, almost shouting.
Later in the day, immediately after I returned home from work, my phone rang. "What's all this, I'm just returning." I said to myself.
I looked at it, and it was Segun, a very good friend of mine. So, I picked it up.
"Hello, good evening, bro." I said.
"And what exactly is good about the evening." He replied
"Guy, what's all this? " I replied. "What's wrong?"
"Are you sure you're okay at all." He said.
"Definitely, I'm fine. Alive and thriving." I replied smiling.
"This guy...." He said.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Everything just went silent, but I knew he was still on; maybe he's trying to process the best way to put his words. Finally, he burst out and said, "I heard you sent money to Quadri. Tell me it's a lie."
Well, it happened that I later sent the little I had in my account to the guy who messaged me earlier; he wanted to sort something out real quick, and I couldn't just help but send him the little I could.
"He reached out to me because he needed help." I responded.
"And you don't need help? Wasn't it yesterday you were telling me about how you don't know how you will rough the week as you had very little on you."
I just kept mute; I couldn't say anything. I had indeed complained to him in church the previous day about how broke I am. "But why must Quadri inform him that I sent him anything." I asked myself.
"Toyo, Toyo, Toyo..." Segun said and continued, "How many times did I call you."
Well, I was just wondering whether to respond or not, but it seems he didn't need my response as he continued.
"I know you so well; you're struggling to make ends meet too. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Wait till you have enough to give out now."
"I don't understand, I said to myself. As how." I asked.
"Yes, I know it's good to help, but must you do that every time? . Why do you keep carrying people's problems on your head and holding yours with your hand? Isn't that foolish?" He asked...
It was the last word that hit me most. "Isn't it foolish."
"I didn't plan to; it just..."
He didn't allow me to finish my statement before cutting me off.
"You didn't plan to? So what happened? You kept on helping even when you're down and have a lot of things you also need to do and fix in your life."
"I don't know; I just try and put myself in their positions too. I feel for the person to have reached out; then they must have thought it over and decided to put their pride and ego aside to seek help. How can I ignore that." I said.
"Why don't you put them in your position too, and ask if they would have helped you if you were in their position and they were in yours." He said and quickly added, "You're too soft, and people will use you."
"I know, but I don't want to become hard." I responded.
"That's not you becoming hard or heartless....come on." He replied.
I couldn't say anything; I was just there. A few seconds later, he dropped the call and sent me a message on WhatsApp saying, "You don't have to reply, but please, you matter too."
I checked my wallet again and smiled, how will I manage? I thought to myself. I will definitely need to put myself in a more tighter corner now. As I was about to respond to him, another message popped up. I clicked it, and it was again what we were talking about...
"Good evening, sir. So sorry for barging into your DM. I don't know if you can help me with a little amount." The message read.
"I'm sorry, I'm broke as it is. Sorry for not being able to help, but once anything shows up, I will reach out to you myself." I responded.
"Alright sir, thank you so much for not ignoring my message, and please do have me in mind." She said.
"Smiles, sure ma'am." I replied
I switched back to Segun's chat to respond to him when another message of his dropped.
"I just can't seem to understand you, and I can't keep watching you until you break," he said.
"I know, thanks for everything. But don't worry about me breaking; I can't. Even though I know I bend a lot, I can't break."
I'm sure he sighed, even though he didn't respond. I sat down and wondered what exactly is wrong. Am I a fool? I asked myself. Well, maybe I am, and I'm okay with it if that's what would make me be humane. But then, we need to as well pity the world we are in if people like us stop answering and coming through.
The following morning, I woke up very early in the morning, took my bath, and walked to the office with my legs doing what my pocket could not.
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