Published via Ecency

It never crossed my mind that a time would come when a piece of paper that I once tore from my diary would haunt me. Well, this small paper later did after some years. I found it inside a small jewelry box I had inside my drawer. I had stopped using necklaces, so that was where I had kept them all, but I was preparing to go to a party that night and felt the need to make use of one. Likewise, I poured the contents of the small box on my table, and at the bottom of it was a paper well folded there; it didn't drop together with all of those jewelry pieces. It's obvious the paper has been there for a while and is now glued/stuck in there.

I dipped two fingers in to remove it. I was careful so it wouldn't rip/tear. Not only that, but I wasn't so sure of what was written in there, so I unfolded it gently. Immediately I was able to get it out. It had turned yellowish on the edges. What caught my attention first while still unfolding it was the writing I saw; it was unmistakably mine, which made my heart skip a beat. When I finally unfolded it and read the heading, I knew what it was: it was a note I had written to the love of my life, my girlfriend back then, now an ex that I hadn't spoken to in years.

Here's the content of the note: "Babe, yunno I love you so much. Don't mind me for all the things you see me do; it's just out of love. I know I'm not perfect, and I don't always do the right things...but I will improve, I will try to make you happy, and I will make you feel like the most loved lady in the entire world. But please, believe in me, be a good girl, and don't stop loving me because losing you is the one thing I could never heal from."

I read the contents out loud and gave a kind of weird smile. I could vividly remember the night I wrote it; it was a rain- and thunderstorm-filled night, those kinds of nights that you find it hard to sleep after you've had a quarrel/misunderstanding with your lover. We were together that night when a small conversation led to the misunderstanding. I tried to beg, but she asked not to be disturbed, so in order for me to sleep comfortably, I wrote it and slipped it inside the pouch of her phone while she slept.

And as of then, I didn't know how much it would mean. Weeks later she called me regarding the note I had slipped inside her phone pouch, and what we discussed that day made me happy. The note had gone a long way in soothing her and assured her that I still love her. The piece of paper was what kept our relationship longer than my words would have. She kept it and read it over and over again, especially when we had our usual quarrel again. That much she told me when we later had to go our separate ways.

But then, the part that got to me the most anytime I think back was that she had already been planning on cutting off the relationship before she found the note, and the day she found it was the day she had wanted to end things between us. She told me more than a year after we later broke up, she had kept one of her SIM cards inside the pouch and wanted to insert it. She removed the pouch and the note together with the SIM, which fell off. She almost ignored the note, but the writing at the back caught her attention; it was my handwriting. So, it happened that that note became the difference between a breakup that day and another year of laughing, arguing, going on a date, planning, and dreaming together.

I just sat there staring at the note in my hand, and even though it's been years already and I'm older and a little wiser, still my heart aches for the memory and the lessons that note carried. Life actually didn't go the way I thought. She has moved on, and I have moved on too, yet this little piece of paper still reminded me of how fragile, important, and powerful words can be.

I remember the night we broke up; I had gone to her with a gift in hand. The whole room was smelling of zobo drinks, as that was what she was busy making on that day for her customers. After the back-and-forth discussion that we had, she looked me in the eyes and said, I'll never forget you."* I felt the urge to continue talking and find a means of resolving it, but obviously... she's made her decision. I wanted to tell her how much I love her, how true and real it is. I wanted to tell her everything I had felt and was still feeling. But I couldn't. I handed her the gift brought for her, smiled faintly, and took my leave.

Holding that note, I realized that it was never about keeping her, but it was about understanding the weight of what I said. That moment, I realized that a simple note could hold something so weighty and powerful. That note comforted, saved, kept, reassured, and encouraged, and, last but not least, it taught me.

I gave a deep sigh and folded it back carefully to fit back into its place. I don't need it again, but then I can't bring myself to throw it away, maybe because it reminded me that honest words, even though small, can shape lives, alter things, and teach in ways we never see. I stood up, returned the contents back inside the box, and kept the box back inside the drawer.

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