Today I want to write about freedom. Freedom, which I have experienced in many various forms, and I still hope to experience it in my life. This topic is like honey for me, because freedom has been and is a priority for me all my life.
Some dream of wealth, others of love, others of grandchildren, and I always dream only of freedom. When I think of wishes, it is not difficult for me, even when a star is falling in the autumn sky, I always know what I want. Freedom.
Freedom always comes at a cost
I have experienced many liberations and I know their taste. Freedom never comes easily or for nothing. Freedom always comes at a cost. But, in my opinion, any price is too low.
From an early age, I was looking for freedom when I escaped from the kindergarten and went to play in the yard with the most swings. They searched for me, found me, scolded me, punished, but then I yearned for freedom even more. I dreamed how I would live alone and no one would guide me. I always fought for the freedom not to eat what I didn't want, not to go home from the yard on time, and not to play with pretty dolls, but with witches of my own making. My parents were always unhappy with me because they couldn't control that freedom in me.
Later - school. That thirst for freedom was difficult to control even more there. My parents never spoke out against the authorities and did not show any similar manifestations as I did, so they always wondered, where did I get all this from?
All are born free
I think the need to choose for yourself is innate. All people are free, they are born free and only later learn that their freedom can be taken away from them. Some accept it, others have not even experienced its taste, so they don't even think about it, and others, like me, apparently tasted the taste of freedom with the milk of that cow that grazed on the meadow, saw people traveling freely around the world.
In adolescence, this need for freedom became so strong that my parents simply gave up and stopped being interested in me. I only attended classes that I was interested in. I didn't wear a uniform, which was mandatory, but a black granny dress and I was a real punk. My parents were harassed by the school principal and threatened that I would end my life badly if they did not deal with their child. At school, I often "sat on the mat" with the principal, who tried to instill in me a sense of fear by appealing to prison and other horrors. Guaranteed me that if I continued to act like this, I would end up among the vagrants and drug addicts. But it only fueled my need for freedom even more.
Find freedom
And today I have that freedom: I can live wherever I want, travel, socialize, dress and cut my hair as I want, love who I want, but it's not enough for me at all.
As soon as I tried the office job, I immediately realized that I wanted freedom here as well. I didn't like having to work according to someone else's schedule and rules, so I started looking for ways to break out of restrictive offices and bosses. When I achieved this, I began to fight for freedom in a relationship where partners are equal and can freely express their interests and needs. I always needed to say what I thought and represent my opinion, because otherwise my inner freedom, which I had so hard preserved, could suffer.
And you know, that search for freedom will never end, because after discovering one freedom, I started looking for others. When you feel the freedom to say what you think to others, you want the freedom to say it to yourself - to tell yourself when you're wrong, when you're being rude, or that you're not trying too hard. In the same way, I need to find the freedom to create the way I like the most, without trying to please someone. And there is also the freedom to love myself, myself as I am, with all my "beauties". Every day in my mind I give thanks for freedom and ask for freedom. Because nothing is more precious, at least to me.
I want to say that there is no need to fear freedom, it is necessary to fight for it and be responsible. You just need to be responsible for what you do with that freedom later. You need to try to have the freedom to decide and choose for yourself, and you also need to have courage. Because without courage there will be no freedom, everything that is free is courageous.
I am not different from others, but I am not afraid to do what I want to do. And it's not just scary, it's just amazing. This is the most wonderful thing in life - not to please anyone, not to be humiliated and feel free, a proud person.
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With love, @Luana.
漏 2023
Photos were created with the help of AI.
