Something funny happened today at the grocery store. A woman who works there left her place to come over and say hi to me while I stood in the checkout line. For the last few months, this person has been going out of her way like that to greet me, which I interpreted as casual flirting. Today, after I checked out, we chatted for a bit about holiday plans. Later in the day, I had to revisit the store to buy spinach, which I'd forgotten earlier.
Seeing this woman again while exiting the place, I asked if she might want to hang out sometime. Expecting a yes or no response, maybe an exchange of numbers, I was surprised to see her become flustered. "I don't think ... ," she said, not completing her sentence, her expression mostly unreadable behind a mask.
"No worries," I replied, suddenly feeling like I'd embarrassed her, or maybe like she was embarrassed for me. "Just thought I'd ask."
The funny part was that I asked at all. I haven't done anything even resembling dating since covid started. And, this being Minnesota, I should've known better than to so boldly ask a stranger if they wanted to be friends. Still, I saw no harm in trying, though my rejection may end up being the subject of grocery store gossip for a long time to come.
I'm trying to hold the incident in a positive light. It proved that I'm still open to the possibility of getting to know someone new, while the rejection meant that I wouldn't have to deal with any of the emotional risk that naturally comes along with that. In this sense, the rejection was a relief. But it was still a little sad.
Since the pandemic began, my offline social world has become very small. The coffee shop and the grocery store are basically the only places I go most days. I'd been looking forward to a New Year's dance party tomorrow, but that got canceled due to covid. This is just the last of many social disappointments delivered to me by 2021.
Elsewhere in life, things are nice and mellow. My year end chores are mostly completed. I'm feeling soft and warm in the awesome Naadam cashmere sweater my mom got me for Christmas. All but one of my clients has finished paying what they owe. And a ginormous murder of crows has been occupying my neighborhood since early this morning.
With no plans for the holiday, I'll probably end up treating tomorrow like any other day. I'll write and listen to music and that's about all.
(Feature image from Pixabay.)
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