Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
In my opinion, emotions doesn’t directly come from outside, instead I respond by being happy, getting angry, feeling hopeful, being surprised etc.… I think an emotion is developed by my body and conceptualized by my mind. And until now, I used to attach it to an outside parameter and think that outside world has control on my emotions.
Let me think aloud here and share a small pinch of one of my days before: I got angry the other day because I was interrupted while talking. Luckily, I had a chance to quickly recover from the possible outburst and thought about it for a minute. Then I realized that I always got angry before, whenever somebody cut my speech. It happened almost all the time. That put me in a conclusion that I brought this response from my past. Somehow I developed a behavioural pattern and applied it all the way until now.
Another interesting thing I realized is, I always tend to control, act in awareness or give a calculated/shaped response whenever I have negative feelings. For the positive ones I already seem to accept and reinforce them. My best guess here is that, this has to be related to hormones in my body. Looks like certain types of states in my psychological and biological integrity, enforces an experience hunt that has a positive result, positive according to my perception. I have no objection for the time being. It could be a hardcoded behaviour anyway. And this is the reason why I titled my post as “Managing negative emotions” instead of “Managing emotions”. Before going further, here is the link for my previous post about being positive:
Coming back to negative feelings, I would like to manage them without suppressing them. I respect my body and hence I respect any of it’s feedback. I try to listen and learn. As a result of this respect, I believe the negative feelings are a kind of message to me.
Since I gave an example about anger before, let me continue with it. “I got angry because one person interrupted me while I was talking.” What kind of message does it carry? First of all, I think there is nothing wrong about what I felt at the time of the event. And secondly any emotion surfaced up at that moment is purely related to that moment. To be specific, I dont have any right to generalize my anger to the person’s overall being and convert it to a hate. Simply I got angry because he or she interrupted me, nothing more nothing less.
Now I can dig into the message.
On the surface I can decipher my anger as: “I want to be listened!”, “I want people to pay attention while I talk!”, “He/she doesnt respect me!”, “I should also cut his/her words may be in a louder tone!”, “Two bad words to break his/her heart, and he/she will never appear on my way again!” or “Shut the f**k up !”. I can expect to change the other person’s behaviour on the go. I can communicate with all these bad talks and finally I can promote myself by pumping up my ego with the short burst of power.
But no, the message was hidden in my anger. And my lesson learnt was: I need to keep in mind that, the interrupting behaviour was not about targeting or sabotaging me. It was not against me. It was about that person, his or her way of behaviour. Such an outside event can not and shall not affect and may be shouldn't stir my innerworld. And all this time, I had full control on what I feel and how I feel, unfortunately I was not aware of it.
Saying is easy than doing it. Now I need a tool to use whenever I fall into a similar moment. I need to stay on my track and keep in mind that I shouldn't act reactive. Because badly impressed actions I took in the past, had costed me of relations which degraded the quality of my life. So whenever I find myself surrounded by negative feelings, I try to do 2 things quickly,
1 Focus on my goal, “what was I about to do, just do it, ignore the heat”.
2 Say that: '’This too shall pass'’, keep walking and use the beat.
After everything settles down, I can change my angle of view by,
1 changing my expectation
2 changing my communication
3 changing my behaviour.
On the contrary to the rational and intellect oriented world we live now, where emotions are seen as a sign of weakness, I believe the most important thing is our emotions.
All the best….
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