NOT ANOTHER TRITE THOUGHT

I recognized this feeling from my past few years, how could I have forgotten? It was almost like a routine, a routine that I couldn’t seem to detach from or maybe I was always just holding on to it. I sat down at my regular chair like I always do, I sat with my pens and papers just like I do every end of the year but now months.

I could feel that feeling of disquiet that washed over me like it always does at times like this. I could hear those voices scream and laugh, they said, “Here, we go again.” I took out my pen and started writing, ruling, and whatever I normally do, I sighed as I forged ahead, I tried to ignore those voices.

I held my pen steadily, as I let my hands freely move across the paper. I smiled knowingly fully well that I would overcome this procrastination and unfulfilled expectations, I smiled more because I could sense a few positive changes during recent months

I am the type of person who would plan more than I take action. Planning was always my habit but the problem was always the action. For a few years now, I have been trying to live that productive life, again and again, I have tried, again and again, I have failed.

“Are you sure this is not just another resolution of yours?” This question came at me but I resisted, regardless I continued setting my goals, but I was not just setting but I am willing to put my work into it. I don’t have to wait for the new year before making a resolution but I can make them monthly, weekly, or even daily.

I have learned a lot of hacks, a lot of techniques, tips, and everything in between. For the past few months, although I can’t say I have had fulfilled months, have I grown and learned? of course, I have.

Regardless of those voices that mocked me, regardless of the negative voices that surround me, I can hear a little positivity telling me to go ahead. I can see myself achieving my goals already, I can see myself putting the work in.

This week, I heard from a YouTuber (Tam Kaur) that “The success and good life that you are looking for is in the work that you are avoiding”.

So, I told myself “Why keep the good life waiting? She has been waiting for so long.”

Today, a young girl about thirteen years old whom I normally spend time with, this morning we found ourselves in a discussion and I told her I wouldn’t be around for a while but she surprisingly said “Ah, don’t go now, don’t you know I am always looking up to you?”

This word pierced my heart, I felt like I had been failing her in some ways but she looked innocent like she never knew what she did. I knew without a doubt that these are the motivation for me to do better this month

I sat there with my organized templates about to be filled with my goals and I wondered what would I be thinking by this time next month. I promised myself to only let positivity in, unapologetically shut down negativity, and to inspire those I don’t even know.

And I am smiling right now, because I know by November 30, 2023, I will come backhere to self-reflect again, but this time with a more positive result.

These thoughts flowed through my head and all I could say was “You keep trying and learning from every single fiasco, surround yourself with positivity”