Being a parent is a forever job, you can't take vacation or whatever, so once you make that choice to be a parent, it's a lifetime job and you know the amazing thing? There is no manual on parenting, no matter how prepared you think you are, you just have to learn on the job!
Growing up in an African home, I was training by flogging and yelling. My parents corrected me by yelling and flogging not necessarily explaining what I did wrong, so it just naturally feels like to correct people or children you have to yell or flog them.
As I grew up I began to read books about parenting and I got better knowledge and understanding of how to be a better parent, well so I thought until I became one.
After my first daughter, I told myself I would be a better mum and do better for my daughter because of my newfound knowledge about parenting but to my utmost surprise the more I try the more I keep training my child the way my parents trained me.
I knew I needed to stop and do something better, so I started taking courses on parenting, courses on how to stop yelling to correct toddlers and this was where I learnt most of my parenting challenges is an emotional intelligence issue.
I would normally yell at my kids for things I think they should know when the fact is I have not taught them those things and I should be patient enough to teach them and not assume they should know it.
Children just got here and they rely on us the parents to teach them what they should know and how to go about life but most times we are not patient enough or not controlling our emotions well.
Yelling and flogging a child only makes the child a damaged child and I don't want to raise a damaged child. I want a child that is emotionally aware and can be able to express themselves without fear. I see yelling as a form of bullying and controlling behaviour now and I am trying my best to stop it completely.
It has not been an easy ride but I'm sure making an intentional effort to be better. My first daughter would always tell me 'Mummy I don't like it when you shout at me, it makes me sad' and that would always hurt my soul.
Parenting is a whole lot of work but we have to be intentional and learn how to do it right to be a better parent. There are a lot of adults who don't know how to express themselves or are not mentally sound because of the way they were brought up which is sad.
So these days when I feel like yelling or flogging, I will take a deep breath and analyse the scenario in my head and trust me, this single act used to help me make better decisions.
Most of the time the child is not the issue, the parent is! I realized there were a lot of emotional issues that I have not resolved and it's all over my parenting style, so I needed to heal first, so I can raise wholesome kids.
It's still a long journey but as the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a step.
