Cover photo: A simple meal I enjoyed recently. Photo taken by me.
Bad parenting, I feel, is following a pattern that isn't healthy in every aspect for a child's growth and development.
I don't think bad parenting is always intentional because sometimes it just happens due to how the adults who are not the parents were raised by their own parents, so they just feel the same pattern is the best way to go. And yes, loving parents still make parenting mistakes, and it's not always intentional.
Providing food, shelter and school are the basics and are very important for a child, but it is not enough to make someone a good parent.
Aside from those basic needs, a child's emotional wellbeing, a child's state of mind, morals, etc., have to be considered, and parents have to be present and not assume they have everything already figured out for their child.
For example, imagine a child who went to the kitchen after being served dinner to take some food that was kept for later use. This child didn't ask for permission from his parents before touching that food but instead pretended nothing happened, only for the mom to find out it had reduced when she wanted to serve his daddy.
Now, clearly this child deserves punishment because that was a wrong behaviour, taking permission or at least informing his parents first would have made a difference but he didn't.
But the father decided to punish him with hunger all through the next day until evening. I feel that was extreme, even though it was a very silly and annoying behaviour, other types of punishment would have been better, not starving a 9-year-old like that.
A Better Example
On the other hand, another scenario of parenting I have seen and thought that I love the way they relate with their kid is when a child does what is not right, but the parents take some time to cool off and have a serious chat with the child, so they understand what they have done and why it shouldn't be repeated.
It's often difficult, but as adults children learn more from what they see than what they are told.
I don't think parents should be overly strict or overly gentle with their child, as such imbalance most times leads to a negative result. There should be a balance between being strict and gentle.
Bad parenting definitely affects a child later in life, unless while they are growing, they begin to have a different orientation which shapes their understanding from how they were raised.
Someone who had a difficult childhood can still become a responsible adult, and this is why I feel therapy in any form helps too.
If they rise above it, what helps more is their determination and a mentor, and education also plays a role. Unfortunately, maybe not every child gets that opportunity, but some just naturally develop that determination.
If there's one parenting mistake I am already hoping to avoid, it is assuming I know all about my child.
It's better to stay curious to know your child better at every stage of their life, because there's a need to constantly try to understand every stage of your child's life as they grow. They meet different people, they go to different places, and you're not always there, so it is important.
When something does happen, I will calmly ask what happened.
To me, bad parenting mistakes aren't always seen as something to be looked into and changed, especially from the parent doing it. They just feel they are right, their parenting method is best and they shouldn't be questioned, but it shouldn't be that way.
The best gift a parent can give a child is a trauma-free life, not passing all they went through as a child to their children, but making sure they are intentional about giving their children a fresh life.
