Parenting is not a job for the faint hearted, it takes every knowledge and resources in parent's arsenal, in order to properly mod a child to the best version of themselves, which is what the society requires. Parenting is quite terrifying, you can do all the right things, applying the best principle, tools and yet, a child might still not turn out the way their parent expect. If all that could happen to a child with the best form of parenting, what is to be expected from a child that had less?
In today's society, a lot of things have gone wrong, especially when it comes to parenting. Being a parent used to be honourable because when you look at someone considered as a parent, you would know for sure, he or she has had what it takes to be one. Every parents is expected to have acquired knowledge and experience on what it takes to be a parent, learning the basics. It is not as if there is a basic manual out there, that explains upbringing a child because not all children have the same personality.
But there is something called, knowing the basics. It forms some kind of foundation, in which every other thing learnt and experienced by a parent is build upon. Which is one of the reason we are experiencing massive turn out of bad parenting. What exactly do you expect from baby parents? you heard me right. This category of parents are what we have these days, individuals who are still meant to be learning how to become parents, but for one reason or the other, they are now mothers and fathers, what kind of result do think such people will produce?
Most parent have misinterpreted the term punishment, when it comes disciplining a child. Most parents see as their right to do so, which I'm not against. But without knowing why it is done and how it should be done, they end up traumatizing their children. Children are adaptive beings, it is either they are Suppressed by it or adapt and overcome. Whichever away, it will have a psychological effect on a child. Children with such mind illness, are like ticking time bomb in our society.
Punishing a child have become all that is expected from parents, instead of learning better ways to instill discipline; they pursue ways to make punishment more cruel. Some children don't even know why they are being punished because they get beaten so hard and that is it. Most punishment doesn't convey any messages. Children are meant to understand why they are being punished in order to learn from it.
So when a child does something wrong, they get punished, without making them understand the reason for the punishment. What about getting rewards after doing something good? Well, I don't think some parents know about this. I mean they are only aware of the punishment but what about the reward? In as much punishment is meant to educate children about their bad behavior and make them abstain from it, reward is meant to encourage children to continue with their good deeds.
Both reward and punishment play different roles in a child's upbringing, they compliment each other. Both actions have a cause and effect influence. When a child does something bad and they get punished for it, naturally in a normal setting without any underlining influence or issue, a child will try to do the opposite of what is bad the next time, even if it is as a result of being scared of getting punished. So when they do, a parents should try to praise them for their deeds. Believe me, children like praises, it makes them feel good about themselves.
However, you will hear some parents say something like, a child should not be praised, so that they don't start feeling too important. But then, they have no issue punishing their child for little misdeed. There is meant to be a balance between the two. The carrot and the stick method of parenting, in fact, I prefer that there should be more carrot than stick but then, it depends on the nature of the child. When this system is applied and a child is not improving, the next thing is not to tilt towards punishment but to analyze other factors in play.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled Punishment or reward in hive learners community.
Cover Image - generated using chatgpt
