I began abstract painting after I gave birth. It was the only way I felt I could express the thing that was lurking inside of me. It felt as if I had to puke out these deep emotions onto canvas. As good as it feels — it also is emotional labour. In some ways, I was not expecting this to feel like vomiting. Creating art is like this deep inner purge of color.
It’s through my art that I am able to see what is coming. I can see the green around my fire. And there is this part of me that smiles deeply. I can see greener, more prosperous day ahead of this burning rage I’ve been experiencing for the last couple of years. And as much as I love the fire. As much as I appreciate the anger and how much it have taught me about respect, boundaries and freedom.
I am ready.
I am ready for the greener pastures. I am ready for the spring time rain. I am ready for the flowers to bloom after the raging wildfire inside my soul. And I feel that I get to peak at that part of me through my art.
Through my art; I see myself. I can see the parts of me that I have trouble verbalising and owning as mine. I can see the parts of me that are growing and changing. I can see the parts that I loved and want to save. I can see the parts of myself that inspire that next step forward.
I can see all this — through my art. It’s why I make it in the first place; to see me — in full fucking color.
This was the flame that I created around this time year.
The greens and blues were inside and at the top of this one. Both are equally beautiful (if I do say so myself); it’s just that the one shows a bit more cohesiveness. I think it shows where I am in now verses where I was.
I don’t control these colours coming out of me. I don’t control these vivid colours pouring out of me. I don’t control these things as much as the outside world probably thinks I do.
So, when this painting flew out of me. It gave me such hope and such peace. I saw progress and depth. I see an artist emerging from the flames. I can see the purification process happening at just the right timing.
And that’s why I love —
Abstract art.
Because there are no fucking rules. And I have need a lot of spaces like these recently.
🔥