Now, I just feel like I don't want to do most of anything anymore. It is a paradox. I'm really going through "ego loss" or what some call "ego death." Anything ego related I don't want to contribute to and be a part of. Including writing articles on fashion or being in the spotlight with continuous praise. I admire fashion and enjoy creating outfits but I don't want to contribute or have it be a job that feels "Soul-less." I questioned the thought of becoming a Stylist because I seem to have a talent for it, but it feels menial; my heart and soul feel apprehension about it. The idea of having connections doesn't appeal to me as much anymore. I see the purpose in connections and knowing who's who, but it has truly been blown out of proportion where souls are forced to compete against each other for establishment in the workplace. It is a cut throat system while disguised as a system that favors those with the most privileges be that money, degrees, or power. I'm not saying that's the case for everyone - but I certainly feel that's the case for a large majority of people or those of the "ultra-successful" where the prestige runs deep in the family. But I also question the majority's frame of mind... I've seen many crooked people who have a job and some making TONS of money. They do their job (as skills are all you really need for a job) but the loyalty, honesty, respect, gratitude, determination, ethics, self development are missing. I've heard the nasty conversations on the subway and on the streets, and the way some of these very high-paying men have treated me on dates, I've heard the appalling and downright heartbreaking stories. The foundation is obviously missing and the ego is running rampant.
The concepts society has ingrained into our minds no longer appeals to me anymore. That includes working a traditional job, having to wear makeup, having to think and live life a certain way, and following guidelines of how to raise our divine children in a jail like setting starting with gender programming (blues and pinks.) Then later, forgetting our soul essence in educational brainwashing, college prepping, the rat race, marriage, children, and retirement. This universe seems too fabricated to me. The more I look at it, the more it feels so very fake. I hate the feeling of being forced to conform to "get the job." To scream from the rooftops my "achievements" and my skills on an interview so that I'm the most favorable applicant against those I'm "competing against." I know it's necessary in the way the world is set up to have an air of confidence and prove yourself, but that's not who I AM. I still do it though even though the very act repulses me.
For the first time in my life I believe we are in a Computer Simulation. Yes, crazy as it sounds, it is my truth. In the past "The Matrix" was more of a theoretical concept to ponder. A couple of months back I have found out that there is such a thing as the "Mandela Effect" and learned our anatomy such as our heart's location has changed. The size of the heart also looks bigger. That would not be physically possible unless we were in a simulation that can mass edit everyone's anatomy. Time just passes unbelievable fast compared to a "decade" ago. There was a thought provoking video a while back that featured a person reliving the same day everyday. However, this seems to feel like everyday even with the different names of the week that tell us otherwise. There might be some variation, some souls are born, some souls die, sometimes we celebrate. sometimes we work. But the day is the same. Everyday truly is "today" till it's not. And we only have one day that makes up this whole life of ours. "Yesterday" is like a faded implanted memory. How can we know if what we remember actually happened? Tomorrow is theoretical in nature. But we always live today. There is a lot that can't be explained in this world.
The one steadfast thought I have is going on a spiritual retreat and really diving deep into my soul to the core of the answers; it takes so much time and years to come to realizations.. but time is short and I have a mission here. I don't have all the answers that I need to know such as my full mission. I know its my mission but I need more clarity so I can better fulfill what I came here to do. To find the answers I must dive deep and quickly. Currently I'm going through life endlessly, studying, pondering, but with no clear direction or aim. This is not enough for me. The other thought I must do is write this article: to show my progression or enlighten others. I don't know but I must write and share my thoughts.
The power of souls is their gift of thought. As we were made in the image of "god", we too were given the gift of thought. Over the past few days, I finally realized that our thoughts can be influenced. By part egoic programming, and part from other "entities." It is human nature to both experience thoughts of evil and good. But whether we act on these evil thoughts is up to us. The thoughts we think, we choose to give power to.
Being Claircognizant, psychic thoughts appearing out of no where, I have began to understand the process of thought. If you haven't yet read my post on my singledom please read for more insight. There is usually a thought that pops up in my head asking me if I will accept or deny a situation. My first relationship - I can't remember the exact wording of the thought - but it was like, 'the relationship will end badly - are you okay with this(continuing forward)?' There seems to always be a thought with a question asking my approval or if I understand the outcome and if I still want to go down that direction.
But if this whole world is literally a computer simulation and we are given thought as a gift from "God" and our thought is influenced by various different "sources", then we too can shape our reality instead of our reality being shaped by "others". This is also why the phenomenon of "Law of Attraction" works at times. But I think after realizing we are in a literal Matrix, then realizing our thought has tremendous value, it can literally manifest itself. There is a computer and influences at play who wish us to not know the power we hold. They distract us from the truth be it in work, with drama, with egoism, with greed, and shame.
Books have been telling us this but it never seemed to click in its full entirety; that we are players who are able to manipulate this construct. Just as external things mostly manipulate our thoughts.. be it government, peers, parents, entities both good and evil. We must realize that all these external sources are showing us that we too have an internal source within us that holds the power to manipulate our reality just as these influences are trying to manipulate us based off of certain programming.
This goes for the study of plants and water - speaking thoughts of love make the plants thrive and look beautiful. Thoughts literally reign over us. It is our choice to decide if we accept it or not. Another study is mass meditation dramatically reduces world conflicts, war, and death. Our thoughts are more powerful than we can imagine. The placebo effect states that our thought makes things come true if we believe it. People with illness are said that they can cure themselves by changing their thoughts; there is probably some validity to that. Illness is a very complex structure - but thought is one part of the equation.
So many things are trying to seek and manipulate our thought. The way others feel about a situation. My father today acted very juvenile and how a hurt child would, blaming me for his anger and sadness. In the past i would be influenced by his thought to feel sad and ashamed and would apologize to try to make things right. Today, I acknowledged his thought and feelings, but I did not influence him to feel that way, he himself acknowledged and gave power to his own thought that suggested offense to what I said or done.
The most powerful thought is realizing that our thoughts are our power to choose. To surrender our thoughts for someone else means a lack of power.
PHOTOGRAPHY // UNIQUESONIA
EDITTED RETOUCHED // KENSEYJEAN
CLOTHES // THRIFTED, ASOS + TARGET SALE, YOOX HEADBAND
LOCATION: BRYANT PARK, NYC
