Sometimes we take people for granted who have been by our side for so long. We don't even think much about them, And we may not even give them as good of treatment as we once did when they first entered our lives.
Sometimes when we argue with a person we care about, Our emotions take over. We get so angry that we want to "win" the fight Because then we can rub it in! We are better than they are because we won.
So we do whatever it takes, Put downs. Or we explain our logic until we are blue in the face.
But is it really important to "win" the fight?
In the end, both of you lose, Being stubborn and refusing to look at the other person point of view, Only damages the relationship. Also, that doesn't mean you "win."
Back when I had a job, I was close to one of my supervisors. We worked well together. I loved my job because he was just so fun to be around. Well, one day, I got angry because I wanted a day off, and instead, he let someone else go home. Forcing me to stay.
This person was always getting days off, and I felt as though I was being taken advantage of because whenever I needed a day off it seemed as though I had to pull teeth to get it.
While some of the people who didn't work as hard were easier to "cut loose" because they weren't as valuable in the work area (This is a physical team job I'm referring to)
My supervisor and I got into a fight for it. And to get "revenge" I didn't work very hard the whole night, Essentially screwing over my entire work team, And I made my supervisor look bad. I was normally the one pulling the highest numbers, so without my full effort, the rest of my team struggled. I was happy because I felt that I had "won" the fight, As I punished everyone around me.
My supervisor was angry with me and wouldn't even look at me. And I started realizing that what I had done was stupid.
Sure I had successfully ruined everyone's night, But what had that accomplished? I wanted so badly to be "right" to prove a point. That I had caused so much more harm than good. I realized that sometimes swallowing your pride and letting the other person "win" Is the better way to go.
I had damaged our work relationship, Days after that event, He was still angry with me, Only talking to me when He absolutely had to.
At that point, I didn't care if I was in the right or the wrong for getting upset. My work relationship was more important to me than some petty argument. So even though he was angry, I tried to show how sorry that I was. By working extra hard, By showing up early, And doing a better job at being a part of the team.
He quickly forgave me when he could see that I was sorry. And he told me he'd do a better job at giving me days off in the future, And that's exactly what he did.
Sometimes we will be right or wrong; Sometimes the other person may be too stubborn, So to preserve our relationships we need to be okay with letting that person "win" sometimes. This easily could have destroyed our relationship, and two people who worked well together could have gone their separate ways.
With dating, Friendships or whatever it is. It's easy to find flaws with anyone when you spend a lot of time with someone.
EVERYONE Has flaws. Some people may be stubborn; Some people may be unaware. Or some people may just not see eye to eye with you on everything. Trying to change a person, Or letting their flaws dictate how we look at the person, Is a for sure way to destroy your relationship with the person. You should never let them walk on you, But some flaws may not change, They may not want to change them. Or it may be so ingrained into their personality that they cannot change it.
You may find someone who is so perfect for you, But they may be a little lazy sometimes, Or they may forget to close the chip bag. Cough.
There may be some things that annoy you, That may not annoy them. You may just have to deal with it. Or you can just be proactive if it's something that drives you nuts like close the bag of chips for them when they are done eating them haha. So stop focusing on their flaws and focus on the good things about them!
Most the time when people make decisions, it's based purely on their likes, Dislikes or their values. And it has nothing to do with us! But it's easy to assume they did it because of us.
In our lives, We are the center of our lives. Because we only fully see things from our point of view. So it's very logical to assume that everything that people do is because of us. Even though it's kinda silly to say it.
This can cause a lot of problems in all relationships because the reality is, Most people may of not even considered how it affects you before making the decision. They didn't choose it because of you; They picked it because of them.
No one can mind read, Yet sometimes we drop hints or expect people to know what we want.
Especially in long term relationships. We start to assume they know us, Enough to know what is best for us at all times.
This is not the case at all. It's better to just communicate what you want.
If you want to take out tonight, Say so. Or take it into your own hands, Like buying yourself flowers. But Don't do it to "rub" it in. Just do it for yourself because you wanted them. Sometimes that also is a nice way of letting the person know that it would make you happy to get flowers a little more often. I used this tactic, and I ended up with two bouquets of flowers instead of one!
Expectations that the other person doesn't know about is a BIG cause of arguments. It's hard if not, Impossible to have some expectations from a relationship. But we need to keep in mind that we need to also communicate what we want and not just expect it to show up randomly.
Especially when you are around someone for years, Changes happen. Lives grow and develop; There are easy and hard times.
It's somewhat silly to assume there won't be changes. But there will be! And for the most part, it's a good thing.
But when people fail to embrace those changes it causes issues! Occasionally the changes may be bad, Or may not work with what you wanted, Of course, it's often that people change and grow apart which leads the relationship to end.
Usually, it's no one's fault, But expecting someone else to change for you and you only can sabotage the relationship. If it's a deal breaker, Move on. If's not a deal breaker, Try to embrace those changes.
