No I'm not complaining, just that sometimes, I get tired of doing things. I just want to stay in bed, eat my food, watch a movie, and forget about everything else for a while. But as an adult, there are things I cannot just leave undone because I feel tired.
As a teacher, I wake up early almost every morning to prepare for school. Some days, I feel like staying in bed a little longer, but I still have to get up and get ready.
One thing people don't always understand about teaching is how tiring it can be. Standing in front of learners and talking for hours is not as easy as it looks. Sometimes, I explain a topic, and some of the children still don't understand. I have to explain it again, use different examples, and repeat my words several times just to make sure the struggling learners are not left behind.
I know they are children, and they cannot all understand things at the same time. Some need more explanation than others, so I try my best to carry everyone along.
But honestly, it can be exhausting.
By the time I finish teaching for the day, I sometimes feel like I have used up all the energy in my body. My throat has done enough talking, my legs are tired from standing, and my head feels like it is about to explode.
And guess what? I still have to get home and continue with other things.
Sometimes, all I want is to get home, take a warm bath, eat something nice, and lie down. I don't want to think about anything serious. I don't want to start looking for something new to learn or another way to make money. I just want to rest.
Sometimes, I wish I could have a whole day to myself without worrying about anything.
The funny thing is that there are many things I want to achieve. I want to be financially independent, run a successful online business, and be able to afford the things I need without always worrying about money. I know these things will take time and effort, so I keep trying to learn and find ways to make them happen.
There are days when I have ideas I want to work on, but just don't feel like doing anything. I will just pick up my phone to learn something new or work on an online project, only to find myself dropping the phone because I am too tired to continue.
There are days when I have so many things on my mind that even when I finally sit down to rest, I cannot fully relax. I remember the things I haven't done and the plans I haven't worked on. Before long, the rest I wanted becomes another time to worry.
I am still trying to find a balance. I don't want to abandon my plans, but I don't want to be so busy chasing them that I forget to enjoy my life along the way.
That is why today I took some days off from work to rest, eat food, watch my movie, laugh, and sleep very well. No serious plans, no worrying about waking up so early tomorrow, and no feeling guilty for taking the break.
Adulthood is not easy, but I don't want to spend every day feeling exhausted. I just want to rest. That's all.
Image by Me.