Finally Off Duty,I’m Going Home
The car door closed and it felt different.No rush.No voice calling my name down the hallway.Just me,these white crocs,maroon scrubs and the quiet that comes after hospital duty.
It has been a few long days.The kind where you lose track of time because one patient leads to another and the minutes stop mattering.You eat when you can.You drink water when you remember.You tell yourself you will sleep later.Later never comes until it does. And today,later finally came.
I am going home for a few days.Not to a vacation.Not to a trip.Just home.To a bed that does not have a call bell.To food that I did not reheat three times.To silence that is not broken by monitors.That is enough.That is everything right now.
Look at these shoes.They have seen hospital floors,emergency corridors and now the car mat on the way home.Crocs are not fancy.They are honest.They are comfortable.They carry you through 30 hour shifts and still do not complain.Today they are taking me away from the hospital instead of into it.That feels like a win.Yay.
Frankly,hospital work takes a lot out of you.You give your attention to people who are scared.You make decisions when you are tired.You smile even when your body wants to sit down.You do it because someone has to.But when duty ends,you also have to remember you are human.You have to go home.You have to rest.You have to let your brain stop scanning for problems for a while.
The road outside looks normal.People are driving to work,to school,to groceries.From inside this car,it all looks slow.However,my brain is still catching up.It keeps expecting a call.It keeps expecting something urgent.But there is nothing. Only the sound of the road and the feeling of taking my shoulders down from my ears.
A few days off is not long.But it is long enough to reset.Long enough to cook something simple.Long enough to talk without being interrupted.Long enough to remember who I am outside of the white coat and the ID badge.
I will go back.The hospital will still need people.But not today.Today I am just a person in crocs,heading home,with nothing urgent on the list.At least,for a few dayz.
And that is the best medicine.
