I am sitting on the duty room bed with wet socks and a palm full of almonds.Yes, almonds.Not donuts.I wanted donuts.
It is raining outside.The rain that does not ask permission.It floods the road,kills the internet and makes the generators scream.I came to work soaked.
Work does not care about weather.Work does not care that I slept four hours.Work says: new admission.Check CTG.Check BP.Check the baby.Check the mother.Sign here.Run to OT.Come back.Another CTG.
CTGs are a special kind of stress.Those lines with peaks and dips that you read like a fortune teller reads palms.Is the baby okay.Is that a deceleration or is my brain just tired.At hour 2 I read them clearly.At hour 12 they turn into squiggles.At hour 20 I pray the trace stays normal because I do not have the energy to fall apart.
I promised donuts if the night was quiet.The night was not quiet.It was rain,admissions,one emergency cesarean!and a power cut right when we needed the ultrasound.The canteen had stale biscuits and tea that tasted like hot water.So no donuts.
I ate almonds instea. My sister packed them. "These will keep you going," she said.They were dry and responsible and everything I did not want at 4 AM.I wanted sugar.I wanted soft and sweet and messy.
The rain kept coming.The CTGs kept printing.My phone kept buzzing.And I kept chewing almonds because that was what I had in my hand.
This is the job.It is not dramatic.It is wet shoes,bad tea, "Paediatrics Made Simple" open behind me and almonds in my palm because the donuts did not make it to my mouth.
It is seeing a normal CTG and laughing from relief.It is running to the next room with rain in your hair.It is saying "just one more hour" for six hours straight.
Wait.
I also had donuts 馃崺 with me. In a brown box under my spare scrubs.Four glazed donuts I bought yesterday thinking the night would be kind.
The night was not kind.So the donuts waited.
Now it is 5 AM.The rain is still on the roof.The last CTG looks normal.The OT is quiet.
I open the box.Sugar hits me before the first bite.That fake, canteen-at-dawn sugar.I take one.It is late.It is perfect.It is messy.
Work does not ask if you are tired.Work does not ask about the rain.Work only asks if you showed up.
So I showed up.
With almonds to survive the night.
With donuts to remember I am still human.
With wet socks and tired eyes and hands that did not quit.
Rain outside.CTGs on the machine.Donut in my mouth.
That will have to do.And tonight,that is everything.
Hopefully,you find it interesting because it鈥檚 just a bit of my everyday life. :)
