Went to the doctors yesterday, suffering from premature ejaculation... ... doctor said, ""This must be very stressful for your wife"". I replied, ""To be honest, it's getting on her tits"".
If I knit you a sweater, Computer, will you stop freezing?
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentacles.
""Mr. President, you have some Updog in east Syria."" ""What's Updog?"" ""[unfurls projector screen] Updog is a military terrorist organizati
[5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: ""everything's a competition to you"" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] ""no it's not""
