My doctor told me I needed to lose some weight. So I cut off my leg.
I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me. She told me she was at the mall with her friend Carrie. Thing is, Carrie was sleeping right next to me!
What's worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat? Sitting on a warm one.
Saw this quote behind a auto rickshaw I couldn't afford a Volkswagen. Thus, auto.
I told this guy I was arguing with if he stepped one more step closer I would hit him in the face, but he kept walking right to me. I guess he didn't understand the punchline.