Why didn't the TSA let the chair through security? It was armed.
Please make sure my tombstone reads: wish you were here.
DAD: My daughter ran away [hands him old photo] DETECTIVE: You have a recent photo? DAD: [shows him 9,674 selfies with the dog filter]
I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed but when they cry the tears run down their back!
You know you're good when they have to add an amendment to the company handbook cause they never thought anyone would do what you did
