Last weekend my dad caught me smoking a cigarette and for punishment made me smoke until I puked. This weekend I made sure he caught me in bed with my girlfriend.
When a dog sniffs a fire hydrant They are just checking their pee-mail.
What did the mommy broom say to the baby broom? Time to go to sweep.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces themself.
How do you get a sweet little old lady to say F***? Get another one to yell BINGO