My penis was in the Guinness book of world records... Then the librarian told me to take it out.
Why did my sperm cross the road? Because my wife wore the wrong socks.
What do you call a gay author? ...a fabulous fabulist. Thank you, I'll be here all night.
How do you get a bass player off of your porch? You pay for your pizza.
Did you take a shower today? Why, is one missing?