I bet the inventor of puppets has one hell of a creepy backstory.
My parents once made me smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in one sitting. To teach me about brand loyalty.
My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.
Naps are for old people. I was taking a horizontal life pause.
Missing LSD tablets Hey Gran, you haven't seen my tablets, they're labelled LSD. Gran: Fuck your tablets, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen!