the only reason Santa is always joyful is because he know where all the naughty girls live
What did the stoner drop when he listened to dubstep? Salt.
How many chicken eggs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Literally dozens.
WIFE: Let's role-play ME: OK W: U be a teacher *I get up & leave* W: Where u going? M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I've got to do?
When one squirrel says ""I like to eat nuts"", there is probably always another squirrel who says ""that's what she said.""