I'm writing this from the hospital Don't worry! The doctors say I'm going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna fish, and a pot of glue? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna. ... What about the pot of glue? I knew you'd get stuck.
When somebody unfollows me, I want to go on a shopping spree and walk into their house while holding bags and say, ""Big mistake. Big. Huge!""
Throughout the history of espionage, the phrase ""We have ways of making you talk."" Has yet to be used on a woman.
We've got an aviary at home... We've got an aviary at home, but one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to the sounds of '80s synth pop. Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark.
