A husband came home with half a gallon of ice cream and asked his wife if she wanted some. ""How hard is it?"" she asked. ""About as hard as my dick."" he replied. ""Pour me some.""
A husband and wife were found smothered in their bed... Detectives called it the pillow case...
What did King Midas say to get peoples attention? Eh you!!
What's blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
Why did the bat miss the bus? Because he hung around for too long.