You know you're an ugly c*nt when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Did you hear Santa is getting divorced? Mrs. Clause caught him with a HO-HO-HO......
Great pun joke It's difficult to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs because they always take things, literally.
When God Handed out Chins... You Thought He Said Gins, And Asked For A Double.
Therapist: so your parents also suffered from depression? Me: no they both liked it