My girlfriend asked me if I had a secret pet name for her. Judging by the look on her face, 'sperm whale' was not an appropriate answer.
DETROIT: im doing a secret show at 8pm tonigt at a small club dowmtown! mesage me for details!!! ME: omg a talkimg city
[wife looking at pictures of my dead body with police] ""why isn't he wearing a shirt"" we believe he removed it when he challenged the coyote
How is 2+2=5 like your left foot? It's not right.
You are living, you occupy space and you have mass. You know what that means... You matter!