First date Him: What do you do? Me [pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalog that I've clearly glued photos of my face into] ""I'm a model.""
If athletes get athlete's foot then what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
Couldn't get into the library the other day... ... it was fully booked.
My friend is afraid of fruit. So I told him to grow a pear.
How do you find a vegan at your dinner party? Don't worry, they'll tell you.