Why did Frosty the snowman pull down his pants? He heard the snow-blower was coming.
A guy calls the hospital and says... ""You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!"" The nurse says, ""Calm down. Is this her first child?"" To which he replies, ""No! This is her fucking husband!""
My favorite mixed drink is the M. Night Shyamalan. It's nothing with a twist.
Why are straight men smarter during sex? Because they're plugged into a fucking know-it-all.
Vegetarian Club I met a girl that said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but i had never met herbivore.