I'm a simple man. I just want to be rich and powerful enough to always get what I want. Nothing more.
Guy hears his grand kids are coming for the first time. He gets all the parts and gear, spent six hours child-proofing his home. They still got in.
Wearing crocs is like being blown by a dude... It feels great until you look down and realize that you're gay.
Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: ""I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp"" vs ""I cashier at KFC""
[me as a passenger on the titanic] oh ewww are there olives in this salad? YOU be quiet lillian, i swear this trip cannot possibly get worse