[on phone] ""Press 1 if you're a huge nerd"" ""Press 2 if you're a virgin"" ""Press 3 if y-"" STOP TALKING, DAD! I'm trying to call Xbox support
I'm weird but not ""sit around the house with my shirt tucked in even though I've got no plans to leave"" weird. That stuff's 4 serial killers.
Q: What did the blonde say when her doctor told her that she was pregnant? A: ""Is it mine?""
I wish I could erase my memory of certain movies so I could watch them again for the first time.
If you get kissed by an alpaca it's not the end of the world. It's the alpaca-lips.