What do you call a hypochondriac dinosaur? Tri-serepax.
Why did the moron throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Richard Clock, the man accused of viciously knife-raping his wife.
Me - ""Hey kiddo, you have your shoes on the wrong feet"" My 6 year old - ""I ain't got no other feet""
ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: ""Holy shit that was amazing!"" COMMENTATOR: ""Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.""
Sometimes when my wife tells me she loves me I get the feeling it's the tennis kind.