[dean tries handing me a diploma as I walk across the stage] I have a boyfriend
Hey fat people, a venti caramel mocchiato w/ whipped cream isn't coffee, its a sundae.
What's the turnover rate for pornstars? 100%
What do you get if you ask a bear to spare some of his salmon? The Bear Glare.
Me: I found this in the fridge with your name on it. Are you gonna eat it? CW: That's my stapler Me: You didn't answer my question