I asked a chinese girl for her number... She replied ""sex! sex! sex!...Freeee sex tonight!"" I said ""wow"", then her friend said ""She means 6663629""
I absolutely love helium filled balloons. I can't speak highly enough about them.
""Dear God, make me a bird, so I can..."" *turns into penguin* ""DAMMIT I WASN'T FINISHED!""
So a suicide bombing instructor walks into his classroom... ...and says, ""Okay, I'm only going to show you guys this once...""
What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind? That people exaggerate.