I walk around in public saying ""wait for me guys"" so everyone thinks I have friends.
What do you call The Dynamic Duo after they got hit by a steamroller? Flatman and Ribbon
Warning: Game of Thrones Spoilers Will make your car look fucking stupid
China has blocked Twitter. Now 1.3 billion people will have no idea what I'm having for lunch.
My grandfather always said, ""Be envied, not envious."" I wish I'd thought of that quote.