What do cannibals and politicians have in common? They both enjoy handshakes.
You know the times have changed... When Portugal leaves Brazil without taking any Gold.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Some obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.
I could have sworn I saw spearmint flavored fig newtons at the shop the other day. But it turns out they were just a fig-mint of my imagination.
People drinking wine in nice restaurants at 2:30 pm - Who are you and how do you get the time and money? Teach me.