What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire :)
What do an eagle and a mole have in common? They both live underground, **except for the eagle.**
They say it's not the destination, it's the journey.........Except when you're heading to the bathroom with diarrhea...
I told the bartender I'll have a Lou Gehrig's Disease. It's a tall glass of tequila. You drink half of it, stand up to make a speech, drink the second half of it, and you're dead.
Whats do a baby and old people have in common? They both get ditched in the park