Q: Why can't you keep secrets in a bank? A: Because of all the tellers.
I went to see my Coincidental Hygenist the other day. Turns out she was one of my friends from high school.
I got 99 problems... and having a triple-digited number of problems ain't one.
i get disappointed every time a catholic school's mascot isn't the fightin' jesuses (jesi?)
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 midgets who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast