There are 4 states of matter... Solids, Liquids, Gases, and Black lives
Someone told me to go to Hell I told them I'd say hi to their mother for them
Why'd the toilet feel abused? Because it took a lot of shit.
Short joke A priest, rapist and comedian walk into a bar, then the barman says: 'God are you fucking kidding me?!'
Vicar: The bride and groom have written their own vows. *Everyone lets out a huge groan as Tolstoy reaches into his suit pocket*