A priest, a rabbi and a duck all walk into a bar... [put your best punchlines in the comments, I couldn't think of anything]
We arrested a troupe of mimes for their unspeakable crimes.... None of them talked. But they did point fingers.
I hurt my foot the other day. My heel can't support any weight. But I haven't got to see a doctor yet. I'm just tiptoeing around the issue.
Me: why did you stop me? Cop: for starters you're not wearing a seatbelt. Me: what about main course? Cop: step out of the car.
What did the burger say to the other burger? ""Aw man, it's my big moment, I'm getting served to someone! I hope I don't *ham* it up!"" The other burger looks at him. ""Holy shit, a talking burger.""