Guy: There's a suit booked for me at a 5 star hotel. Girl: It's called a 'Suite' Guy: No it's a 'Suit'. I'm a waiter.
""Oh great! Just great!"" --guy showing up to the beach with a bunch of sand
My life sucks I've got a less-than-minimum-wage job, my best friend has no brain, my neighbor is an asshole, my boss is a stingy bitch, and the worst part... #I live in a pineapple under the sea.
We've got people working on world peace, and I'm here wondering how I can swipe a piece of my patient's chocolate without her noticing.
What is the hardest part to eat in a vegetable? The wheelchair.