That shitty moment when you finally get comfy in bed then realize the lights are on.
""So, how's life in North Korea?"" ""Well, I can't complain!""
What did Judas say after capturing Jesus? Nailed it.
[sees kid crying in grocery store] hey little guy [kneels down to his level] Can you please move you're blocking the Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear? Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!