How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.
Why did the dung beetle go to rehab? He was rolling balls.
[at restaurant] Me: ""I'm so hungry I could eat a horse"" Wife: ""I'm the same"" Horse family at next table: *just sitting very still*
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind, probably.
COP: ""Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"" ME: ""It was way easier than solving a murder?""